Think about a dog for a moment, one who has had a very bad person for an owner. Let's say that this owner beat the dog every time it did something they thought was wrong. Now, lets say that this dog was given to another owner who loves it and treats it well. If this new owner raises his hand to just run it through his hair, the dog will think the owner is going to beat him again. The dog will flinch out of reaction to what has happened in the past. It's not exactly like this, but it's about the best example I can think of right now. Skittles hasn't had the best of life as a child. Things happened that I wouldn't wish on anyone. That being said, there are things that she just can't let go of. Plus, there are things, totally innocent by most standards, that trigger very bad memories in her mind. I've caused this affect without even knowing what I said.
So, saying this, I want everyone to know that sometimes things people make comments on, even though they think it harmless in their own mind, can affect Skittles in a negative way. I am her protector. It is my job to keep these painful things from bothering her. I know I can't always do that. But I will defend her any and every time I feel I need to. I know this may seem to ramble a bit, but I am just trying to give others a little more insight about how things are.
If you really want to get to know more about Skittles and what she goes through, go read her other blogs about PTSD and Panic Attacks. If you decide to do so, I urge you to actually read them, not just skim over it. And, please remember that not everyone is able to just let go of things. There are those whose mind doesn't work like so called "normal" peoples. I write this because I love Skittles and I know a lot of others do too. I just want others to get a better glimpse of what she goes through at times. Till next time BYE!!
18 comments:
Mike, the dog analogy is a great one. I think I have heard that before but it really puts thing in perspective. Allow me to add onto a bit though...
Now, say the new owner has a visitor over. The visitor goes to pet the dog and the dog reacts negatively out of past conditioning. The new owner, loving his dog, of course feels bad that the dog should have to experience this. But, should the new owner be mad at the visitor, who DID cause the negative response? No, because the visitor was well-intentioned and meant no harm. This is especially true if the visitor sincerely apologizes afterwards for inadvertently causing emotional harm!
Does this put my scenario into perspective at all?
I'm done with it Bobby. You've apologised all over the place. It just gets my blood boiling when Skits is hurt. It's my job. I get to deal with her long after everything is said and done. And I don't mean "deal" in a bad way. I understand :)
All you are saying Mike, is very, very true - especially of Barb but also, can be applied to everyone in general life as well. Words can have an even more severe effect on people than can physical injuries in terms of being longer lasting, harder to cope with and I think, because they are unseen by people using them, there isn't the regard for what they might be causing to another person.
Sometimes any of us can say something with the best intentions and it will be misconstrued. All purely accidental. But, if each person tries to take care in the words chosen, whether it be in comments on Barb's blog or to anyone else we might encounter, day to day, it would make life a whole lot easier for everyone.
Mike, I think you are such a wonderful husband to Barb, sticking up for her and trying to help us all understand her. She is very lucky to have a guy like you :)
mike i know i should shut the heck up here and i KNOW you and barb both know i love you all, but dang honey, you are makinig me afraid to leave a comment there. afraid i will do something wrong and not know it. i tease skit all the time and that is part of our friendship i believe, we banter back and forth alot, but now i think i'd better not. like my blog is higher than yours on someone's sidebar kid stuff. all jokes and fun. see? sorry if i am making anything worse, it is not my intent. but i am afraid to say anything now. ly guys! bee
I've not visited her blog today, but I hope that it was nothing I said or did. I too suffer from panic attacks. It sure is no fun. I don't know your wife that well but she is in my thoughts.
I really, really love reading about the love between you and Barb. It's great to hear about a solid marriage instead of bickering of spouses. She's lucky to have you and I think you are lucky to have her.
Lovely post Mike, I am sure you provide a great comfort to skittles in her darker moments and the fact that you want to fix things for her but cant, is another sign of what an awesome husband you must be.
Cheers
Clairexx
Mike, I'm sorry you and Barb are going through all this mess.
Give Skittles aka Barb a hug for me. You two are great.
You are a wonderful and caring husband.
As a little boy, my mother would get on to me all the time, about hurting peoples' feelings with my feeble attempts at humor and guess what? She was far worse than I.
Making people laugh is so much harder that hurting someone's feeling.
Being a watch dog for others is a job in and of it's worth and as students of philosophy will tell you it also destroys your personality.
Most will go through life and never realize this.
If Love were personified, it would be you. There's not more I can think of to say.
...except that I'm going to print out your post.
Thank you.
I understand exactly what you are saying. I also deal with fear that is caused by my childhood. I wish you both the best. I think this can affect the spouse more than people realize.
Take care of her! : )
We lover you for that.
We love her too.
Mike:
I am a new regualr over at Skittles and came here since I realized today you had a blog also.
You analogy is well put together. We resuced a dog that had been beaten and it took years before he became comfortable even sitting next to me whwn I was sitting in a chair. he always had to be standing so he could "make his getaway."
Animals do not forget and people most certainly do not.
barb is lucky to have found such a loving man.
Well, I hope nothing I said did anything negative. Surely wasn't meant to ... I'd be really sad if it was. :(
Love to you and Barb.
Chelle
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